Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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