dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
