just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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