Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
