Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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