he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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