I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
