If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
pray to the hookup gods
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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