I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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