..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
