I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
