12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize