I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
