I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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