It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
