i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
