and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
