The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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