mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
