ugly people sure do ruin things
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
