ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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