I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
