fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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