good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
