He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you remember whose house we're in?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
