How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
