More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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