i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
