i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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