Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
