i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
