I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize