worst night to have a conscience
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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