is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
