You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
