Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
