why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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