He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My feet surprised me
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