we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am one with the molecules
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
