Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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