tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
