He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize