Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
