College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
