Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
