There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
