***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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