Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
