i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
