do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
