come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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