dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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