Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This house was built for laser tag.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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