Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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