he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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