I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
