break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
