I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize