At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
