i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
