why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
