That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
