You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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