you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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