At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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