I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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