jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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